But things started to unravel, my boyfriend was violent and in 2007 I ran away from London to escape him. I went back home to Gloucestershire, and a couple of years later I met Will on a street corner. We were both there to meet our dealers and I ended up buying his prescription drugs from him for a couple of months. I fell head over heels in love. I was 27, but I was very naive. I was easily manipulated and I got sucked into his world.
We were driving to his house one day when the police stopped and arrested us. We had some of his furniture and possessions in the back of my car; I thought it was all his and we were just moving it from storage. I was put in handcuffs and taken to the police station. That?s when I found out he had 63 prior convictions. It was a terrible shock.
I was kept in the cell for two days. During questioning I found out about the burglaries. We had been on a detox that week, and I was taking prescription drugs and sleeping a lot. He?d been going out while I slept and breaking into houses. Everyone has a limit, a point below which they cannot slide. This was mine. Despite what some might think, I?m a very honest and moral person, and finding out that this person I loved had gone into people?s houses at night to rob them was deeply upsetting.
I was acquitted of burglary but I was in pieces mentally. I was self-harming, had agoraphobia and was having panic attacks and turning blue. I thought I was going to prison, but in December 2009 the judge gave me a 12-month community order and a six-month DRR (drug rehabilitation requirement) order, which meant I had to have a drugs test every week.
My probation officer and drugs counsellor were excellent, but I was in a bad place for most of last year; I was still on antidepressants and an anti-psychotic so strong it was affecting my memory.
As a musician I play everything from memory, so that?s not good. After my arrest I went into a detox clinic. I also had some sessions with a psychiatrist, which really worked for me. For the first time I was able to talk about the grief I felt for my brother.
One of my ex-boyfriends tried to clean up many times; it would work for a while then he?d slip back. I think with me the difference is my family; we are very close and their support has been incredibly important to me. And my music ? by the end it was beginning to suffer and I didn?t want that.
It was the best part of a year before my sleeping patterns were back to normal, but I feel healthy again now and comfortable in my own skin for the first time in my life. Actually I feel a bit like a baby, as if I am learning to live again. Even things like having a cup of coffee in the morning instead of all the madness? I used to have to have heroin before I would even brush my hair; now it?s lovely to be able to wake up in the morning and realise it is a brand new day.
health for women women health specialist health and women women health associates womens health fitness
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