My focus has now changed. Instead of concentrating on feeling minimally ill, I want to maximise my sense of wellbeing. Change has come in stages, the first involving a trip to the hairdresser to get the straggly remnants of my hair chopped into some semblance of a style.
At Richard Ward in Chelsea, where the royal bride has her own personal stylist who will be on duty on the wedding day, I was told that I was making some fundamental mistakes, common to people whose hair has thinned. The first was to confuse longer hair with luxuriance: when there?s not much hair around, less (in the sense of shorter) is more, with a straight cut along the bottom rather than layers. My ancient highlights were also a bad look: with thin hair, a single, dark colour, looks stronger.
Revival Stage 2 meant visiting an exercise specialist - not that there?s anything special about my needs. There?s no treatment to delay the cancer?s return, so becoming strong enough to cope with more chemotherapy is a priority. ?Improved fitness and weight-bearing exercise stimulates the bone marrow and the lymph system,? says ex-Saracens rugby player Jim Stubbs of Phoenix Fitness Group. ?A stroll with the dog is not going to do it. Set a goal and work up to it.?
This autumn I?m hoping to make a second attempt on the Great North Run, which I ducked last year after my diagnosis; the first stepping-stone will be Liver Birds, a 9km midnight walk in May to raise money for the Roy Castle Lung Cancer Foundation, the only charity to specialise in this most unglamorous of illnesses.
The third prong of the campaign is diet. There?s not much I do wrong, beyond drinking a little too much wine, eating too much meat and being a bit on the plump side. After talking to Anna Marsh, a nutritionist, I?ve taken to veg on toast for breakfast and cutting back on sugar. I?m also paying close attention to the wisdom of Professor Karol Sikora, medical director of Cancerpartners UK, who says: ?I wouldn?t cut out red wine. But then I like drinking it.?
Re-engaging with life has been delightful. Being ill hasn?t been too bad either. Among the upsides have been the cards, flowers, brownies and innumerable gestures of kindness, big and small, including several offers to clean my oven. It has been a journey into the heart of kindness. I have also wallowed in seeing figures from my past who would never have got in contact were it not for my illness: the most surprising of all was a lunch invitation from the captain of the team that beat mine on University Challenge. His memory of the event was so much better than mine that I?m not surprised they wiped the floor with us.
But, these are side shows. I would much rather not have been ill. However well I feel now, I shall never again be free of the nagging voice that tells me not to be complacent, because the disease is out to get me. Every twinge, ache and hospital appointment is a worry. Most of all, I would give anything not to see the anxious looks on the faces of my husband and children whenever they hear the word ?cancer? or see me looking peaky, knowing that sooner or later I shall have to tell them that it has returned. And next time, the chemo might not work so well.
Relieving them of their fears is not within my powers, but I can do my bit to prevent other families from finding themselves in a similar position by helping the charity that Roy Castle set up before he died of lung cancer in 1994. A singer, dancer, comedian and all-round musician, Castle was a remarkable man. During the time that he presented the programme Record Breakers he set various records himself, including fastest tap-dancer, longest wing walk and playing the same tune on 43 different instruments in four minutes. He never smoked, but he performed in smokey jazz clubs which may have led to his death aged 61.
I first came across his charity through the information on its website. Then, for the BBC film, I went to a local support group for fellow sufferers. Despite trailing oxygen cylinders or knowing they only had months to live, they were a surprisingly jolly bunch. They weren?t bitter, but they all suffered from the same regret. They wished that their doctors had leapt into action faster when they reported minor symptoms. The main reason why lung cancer is the biggest cancer killer is that it is almost invariably found at a late stage, once it has spread.
My own 2 a.m. thoughts often turn to the folly of not going to the doctor when I first noticed a touch of breathlessness and a slight cough. But even that would have been too late. What?s needed is a test for the disease before there are any symptoms, one which doesn?t cost much, or take long to administer. Targetted drugs may prolong individual lives, but only early diagnosis will substantially reduce the 35,000 deaths a year from lung cancer. The Roy Castle Foundation is pilotting such a test which could be used on high-risk people who are apparently well.
Had that test existed a few years ago, I would probably have been tested. As an ex-light smoker I might have qualified; more probably two bouts of pneumonia would have put me in a high risk group because of the scarring caused to the lungs. Scarring is often where cancer develops. Funds are desperately needed to develop this test, which you can learn more about on the BBC appeal. Heaven knows which bits of the day?s filming with me they will use but, if you catch sight of one of my backhands, remember this: it used to be even worse.
Lifeline: The Roy Castle Lung Cancer Foundation can be seen on BBC1 this Sunday at 4.45pm, and again on Wed 27th April at 1.30pm. www.roycastle.org
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