Meanwhile I am just trying to move forward while crouching, both arms flailing in front of me like a winter sports zombie. This is not, apparently, the correct posture. As Stanley demonstrates, I remember the little speed skating I?ve seen on TV: his left hand stays tucked behind his back, as his right arm swings forward and back in rhythm with his skates. But mine just won?t seem to swing, and sticks stiffly out in front. Not so much zombie, now, more Dalek.
Team GB?s coach, Nicky Gooch, skates over and chips in. ?It?s just like walking,? he ventures helpfully. ?The way your arm swings when you walk.?
Far be it from me to contradict an Olympic medallist but, frankly, speed-skating is nothing like walking. Nothing at all. I am convinced that my face is going to splat onto the ice, but eventually I do manage to get into some kind of rhythm, and even work up a bit of speed. Well, on the straight at least: going perilously round the corners, it starts to become clear why Stanley?s specially designed speed skates have 17-inch blades (about five inches longer than figure skates have), which will retain their grip of the ice even at an angle of less than 45 degrees. His skate boots have been specially moulded to fit the precise shape of his foot, leaving his ankles free to flex ? but also dangerously exposed.
Speed-skating is clearly a sport for true devotees, with only a few clubs dotted up and down the UK (including Guildford, Solihull and Nottingham itself). But it?s also great exercise, requiring cardiovascular fitness, muscular strength, core stability, balance and co-ordination.
And Team GB are doing remarkably well internationally: Stanley and his three team-mates recently broke the world record for the 5,000?metre relay. They?re hoping for great things at those World Championships, which take place in Sheffield later this week.
By contrast I?m glad to have stayed upright ? and am now wondering how much training it would take for my thighs to get that meaty.
The 2011 World Short Track Speed Skating Championships are at the Motorpoint Arena, Sheffield, from March 11 to 13. www.worldshorttrack.co.uk
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